Okay, I have written essays on my personal theories of which houses each of my friends would be in (as well as myself), so I have quite a lot to say about the topic. However, just being required to spell out which house I want to be in is way easy… and not nearly so interesting.
Let’s be honest really quickly: nearly everyone wants to be in Gryffindor (I among those people), and nobody really wants be in Hufflepuff (although I think the stereotypes about that house are totally unjust and exaggerated). But let me pick this apart a bit further, eh?
Hufflepuffs are judged as being the friendly but awkward and odd kids who just don’t really fit in anywhere else. There’s nothing wrong with them, per se, but nobody much wants to be around them, either. But here’s the thing: I think that they’d be my second choice in terms of which house I’d rather spend my seven years at Hogwarts in (not necessarily in terms of which house I would fit in best, or which house’s traits I most represent) – they really are loyal to each other, and they give people the benefit of the doubt. Think about Ernie MacMillan, proclaiming to Harry (albeit in a very pompous manner) that he supported him and fully believed his story about the rise of Voldemort; this was definitely not a move that would make him “cool” in the eyes of the wizarding world at the time, but Ernie felt that he had to be true to what he believed. Additionally, think of the makeup of Dumbledore’s Army. Say what you want about them, but there was a fair number of Hufflepuffs toiling away in hopes of defending all that is good in the world someday. Also, on a less moral level, Hufflepuffs appear to have strong friendships with each other, and I imagine that their common room would be bright, cheery, and relaxed. Plus, they live near the kitchens, which makes for easy sneaking in for after-hours snacks. Not too shabby, if you ask me.
Then there’s Ravenclaw. To be honest, it’s the house that I would be second most likely to wind up in, according to my personality traits and values. However, it seems like kind of a bummer if you had to live amongst Ravenclaws for seven years. Seriously! While wit and intelligence is amazing, and being around people who are dimwits is no fun, Ravenclaws certainly come across as being rather stuck-up and introverted, and that combination is hard to deal with. They don’t seem to have terribly dedicated friendships (look at Cho Chang and her “friend” Marietta, on whom the term “loyalty” is entirely lost). Worst of all, though, they look down on the rest of Hogwarts from on top of their Pedestal of Intellect – I think I would have no problem with them being dedicated to schoolwork and cleverness over exuberance and camaraderie if they didn’t believe that it made them better than everyone else. There’s a sense that Ravenclaw herself would have appreciated it when people thought outside of the box (as revealed by the riddles asked by the portrait at the common room entrance), but yet, modern-day Ravenclaws don’t seem to feel the same way; most Ravenclaws just seem so blah. Cho Chang, Michael Corner, Penelope Clearwater (look, she liked Percy)… you get the idea. The only Ravenclaw who really stands out as being genuine, unique, funny, and quirky is Luna, and what happens to her? Her house-mates steal her belongings. They might be smart as hell, but Ravenclaws come across as being a little too aloof and judgmental for me.
And now we’ve reached Slytherin. Anyone who says that they think it would be “cool” to be in Slytherin, or that they’re kind of tempted by it, is a fool. Slytherins are not the suave, charming bad boys that the sweet, naïve good girls fall for, but then oh! guess what? That bad boy has a heart of gold underneath his cold exterior! Hugs and kisses all around. No, that’s not the deal with Slytherin, so let’s just get that notion out of the way right now. If you look solely at the traits that Slytherin represents (according to the Sorting Hat), it doesn’t sound like a bad place to be at all: ambition, resourcefulness, cunning – hey, sign me up! But the reality of Slytherin house isn’t anything like the theory behind it, and being part of Slytherin would make anyone with a strong sense of right and wrong absolutely miserable. Not every Slytherin is a “dark” wizard, and most of them would never become Death Eaters; however, whenever someone values power and success over loyalty, courage, or friendship, there’s a problem. I can certainly admire Slytherins’ (okay, mainly Malfoy’s) ability to know just what to say to enrage those who they dislike, or to know just what to do in order to avoid trouble when they themselves caused it. What I don’t admire is the fact that they are truly cowardly and saving their own skins means far more to them than standing by any belief, whether or not it’s a “good” one. Look at Malfoy: he was forced to become a Death Eater, yes, but he bragged about it to his house-mates because it was a symbol of power and prestige. But when it came time for him to actually live out the principles of Death Eater-y (…yeah, I didn’t know what term to use), he chickened out because he didn’t actually believe in it all. Likewise, when Voldemort demanded that Harry be turned over to him before the final battle began, who was the first person to attempt to rat him out? Why, that’d be Pansy Parkinson, of course! No, she wasn’t a Death Eater; her only conviction was saving her own ass. Are these the kind of people you’d want to hang around with, where friendships last as long as they serve a purpose but not because of any real fondness or loyalty? Lastly, think about the common room itself: it’s in a dungeon, it’s cold, it’s tinged green because it’s under a lake. It’s creepy and uncomfortable. No thank you.
And now we’ve arrived, finally, at Gryffindor. Here is both my first choice and the house that I would be most likely to wind up in – and no, it’s not because Harry was in it. I’m not a real sucker for the whole “bravery” schtick that Gryffindors throw around, so I’m not going to use that as my reason for choosing this house. The truth is (and maybe this is just because we’ve gotten detailed looks at so many of the characters), the people in Gryffindor are the definition of amazing friends. Just looking at “the trio” you can see how endlessly loyal Gryffindors can be, but it extends much further than them; Ginny sticks by Harry in the last book, Neville never questions Harry’s judgment, and the rest of the Gryffindors return to fight with Harry without hesitation when called. And all Gryffindors aren’t brave in typical Harry form – they don’t all run around fighting Voldemort or slaying dragons or whatever, but their courageousness is genuine all the same. I think the most remarkable thing about it is that Gryffindors seem to always be willing to step up to the plate when they’re needed, and sometimes that’s an even more complex and honest act of bravery. I mean, think of Neville – need I say more? And finally, Gryffindor just seems like a fucking lot of fun to be in. That common room is glorious, with cozy couches and comfy chairs, roaring fires and the Weasley twins turning the tower into a carnival at all hours of the day and night. After every Quidditch success Gryffindor tower is one giant party, and thanks to the genius and daring of the Weasleys, it’s well-supplied with food (and probably Firewhiskey, let’s be truthful here). The scene from Goblet of Fire in which all of the boys in Harry’s year sit around in their pajamas in their dorm room eating candy that makes them roar, squeal, and trumpet like different animals – to me, that’s quintessential Gryffindor. It’s literally my ideal place to be, and even just reading about it on the page, I already know that it’s what would feel like home.
