Oh man, this is getting SO annoying. I’ve already answered this in my whole McGonagall-is-the-best-character-ever-and-Flitwick-teaches-the-best-class-ever posts. So there you have it – McGonagall would be my favorite teacher because I know she’d be a mentor and her class would be a bitch, but it would be worth it in the end. But just for the sake of making this post slightly more interesting, let’s review most of the professors at Hogwarts (other than the aforementioned two and the temporary ones), shall we?
There’s Professor Binns, who everyone has had teach them at one point or another in college – endlessly droning and boring even if the subject (History of Magic) seems like it had the potential to be interesting. His would be the class that everyone dreaded going to, and the one in which everyone either cracks open an energy drink in a feeble attempt to stay awake or just gives in to the temptation of sleep (not that Binns would care anyway). On the upside, you can hold conversations in the back of the room, do other homework instead of listening, or skip class all together, and it won’t matter because let’s be real here: if Binns didn’t ever bother to notice that he, you know, died, I hardly think he’s going to notice you muttering to your neighbor.
Next up is Hagrid. Oh, Hagrid. I love him, really, I do – but I love him as a bumbling friend, not as a teacher. If he was my professor, I think I might pull a Slytherin move and call him an “oaf,” to be honest. Hagrid is just not meant to be a teacher, and that’s okay! Some people aren’t! But how pissed off would you be if you had to stand outside freezing your ass off in the winter in Scotland while Hagrid either had you poke at Flobberworms (if he was feeling incompetent that day) or battle Blast-Ended Skrewts (if he got a little dose of confidence and ran with it)? Or if you were assigned to get the damn Monster Book of Monsters? VERY pissed off. Care of Magical Creatures could be so fascinating if done right, but sadly, Hagrid just doesn’t know how. He lets his emotions get in the way of his capabilities. To be fair, Hagrid did have some success: Niffler day, Thestrals… and I can’t think of a whole lot more. Hagrid knows his shit, he just doesn’t really know how to teach. Ah, well.
Snape. (Snape, Severus Snape… DUMBLEDORE! Ahem.) I’m not going to evaluate his life or character, just his teaching style. It’s funny because I actually think that if he wasn’t such a gigantic ass, he could have been an amazing teacher. He was insanely intelligent (hello, HBP notes in the textbook) and I think that, as a “Potions master” (what an awesome title!), Snape could’ve been similar to McGonagall: tough, strict, but gets results. Unfortunately, Snape decided to be a dick about everything and give the Slytherins tons of points and take points away from Gryffindor for nothing and make Hermione Granger cry because he made fun of her buck teeth and terrify Neville and threaten to poison poor Trevor and pretty much any other awful thing you can think of. He’s the college professor who tests you on things you never learned, fails you because your opinion differs slightly from his, and generally emits a steady stream of hatred for all students. Conclusion? Worst teacher ever. He’s the one that would cause me to eat Fainting Fancies and Puking Pastilles by the handful just to avoid his class and his general evil-ness as a professor.
It’s interesting, because Professor Slughorn repulses me as a person for the most part, but as a teacher he seems fairly solid. Interesting assignments, fun motivators (Felix Felicis, anyone?), and a generally jolly atmosphere. I get the feeling that with him in charge, Potions would seem more like hanging out with a jovial grandfather who can be rather pompous and annoying, but overall it’s not such a bad class to have to trudge down to the dungeons for.
Ah, yes – Pomona Sprout. Not much to say about her: to me she would be a professor that’s generic but interesting, entertaining, and fair. Her classes are interactive and actually useful, and as a student I would feel like I got a lot out of them because of that fact. Yep, that’s all I have on that subject.
Okay, Professor Trelawney knocks Hagrid out of the park in terms of being inept as a teacher. If Snape is the Worst Teacher Ever, Trelawney is the Most Annoying Teacher Ever. Just the thought of that heavily-perfumed, dark, hot room makes my head spin and my stomach lurch. Her entirely melodramatic manner that is an obvious cover for the fact that she’s (almost always) a fraud would make me pull a Hermione – except I’d probably throw a crystal ball at her head – no questions asked. Again, it’s kind of tragic because Divination could be fascinating, or at the very least fun (tea leave and tarot cards? It’s like my sleepovers as a kid)! Butttt no. Trelawney has to ruin that possibility by being batty and bitchy all the time.
I suppose I could review all of the DADA professors, but that seems kind of ridiculous since there are like a million of them… or seven, but whatever. You get the idea.
